I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
