i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
