I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
