I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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