he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What a dumb baby whore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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