You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Still dying that you shit outside
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
