My first STD was from a foam party
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
