pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she woke up with a sticky ear
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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