Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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