Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
