erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
