I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
