Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
