god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
