hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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