My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
