420 ftw
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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