A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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