Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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