I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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