the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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