Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
