Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
