If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
