oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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