I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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