im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
