It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
