And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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