I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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