ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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