I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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