so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
