Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
