Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
