dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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