I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
