You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
