I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
