I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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