I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
