she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
