You just made me feel so damn special
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
