And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
