Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
