I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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