Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
