I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dear god my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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