some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
