i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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