Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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