I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my being single is dangerous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
