Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
