We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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