Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
