Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
