It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
