My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
