You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
