Duck Duck Cougar?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
