Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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