If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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