I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
