The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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