im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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